Dating Rules That Were Made to Be Broken

As the author of Its Okay To Sleep With Him On The First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating Debunked, it’s clear that I don’t believe in rules when it comes to finding love. Strategies are smart (I.E. don’t call him three times in a row!) But rules can get you in trouble because they make us live in our heads, act inauthentic and scared.

There’s not one right or wrong way to live or to love. I’ve interviewed couples over and over again who found love by breaking the rules, including the following:

1. Never pursue a man. Especially when it comes to online dating, you’ll be frustrated if you stay in the passenger seat and hope to get contacted by men you like. If you’re relaxed, confident and open, you can strike up a conversation with any man you’re drawn to and make a great impression. If he’s not interested, I promise its not because you started talking to him first.”

2. Only date your type. You may think you know exactly what you need to make you happy in love, but be open to the fact that he or she may come in different package than you expect (that doesn’t mean the gift isn’t good).  If you keep dating the same type of person and its not working be open to dating a new type. If you want your dating luck to change, you need to do and date differently! Here’s a hint: stop focusing on how the person looks on paper, and pay attention to how you feel around him. This will tell you everything you need to know.

3. Pretend to be busy. The authors of The Rules stated that women should pretend to have active lives and never accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday. What happened to spontaneity? I’d edit the ‘pretend to be busy rule’ with –Be Busy! Having dynamic interests, hobbies and a great life outside of a man or woman will make singlehood more fun and attract others who will be drawn to your amazing life. Ultimately, pretending to be anything is generally not a good love or life strategy.


About the author

Andrea Syrtash

Contributor to over a dozen relationship advice books. Author of He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing); Cheat On Your Husband (With Your Husband) (Rodale Books 2010 & 2011). Co-Author of It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating Debunked (Harlequin Non-Fiction, July 2013)