When we think about relationships (casual or monogamous), usually thoughts about sex and the role it plays in your romantic relationships aren’t far behind – questions like: am I having sex enough?
In order to get a better sense of what may be considered a normal and healthy sex drive these days, I asked four experts (or sexperts) for their opinions about what constitutes a normal sex drive.
More than once a month:
“Everyone wants to know if they are having a normal sexual relationship, and what I say to my clients is: most importantly, if your sexual relationship is good for you and your partner then it is good and normal. In our 30s, we might generally expect a desire of (having sex) more than once a month,” advises Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, marriage and family therapist and author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage.
Once or twice a week:
“Most married couples have sex about 1.5 – 2 times a week after the newlywed phase,” says Dr. Noel Goldberg, licensed clinical psychologist. “If the sex is satisfying and life doesn’t get in the way, based upon norms, this would be considered appropriate. There is always variability but if both partners are happy with the quantity and quality, this could be considered a healthy sex drive. Underlying issues could be communication issues, relationship problems, and young children taking up energy…
“There is an enormous range, both from week to week, and woman to woman,” advises Arianne Cohen, author of The Sex Diary Project: What We’re Saying About What We’re Doing. “Many women in the 30s and 40s bracket are less concerned with frequency, but want high-quality sex, and are more content to have it once or twice a week, but expect it to be orgasmic.”
Two or three times a week:
“This has been asked many times before, in various sex surveys/questionnaires. I (and the surveys) would say that the majority of Americans in their 30s and 40s want to have sex with their partner 2-3 times per week,” advises Dr. Eric Grasser. “Healthy sex drive depends upon multiple factors. We cannot ignore the essential relationship here between body, mind, and spirit. For a healthy sex drive, all three need to be healthy.”